


Do You Like Scary Movies?

by girlswillbewomen



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), Scream (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Idiots in Love, M/M, Movie: Scream (1996), Murder, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27284068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlswillbewomen/pseuds/girlswillbewomen
Summary: Morgan! I am so happy to make this for you and this was the absolute most fun I had writing a fic. I hope you have a happy Halloween and enjoy these two dumb murderers this holiday season <3BIG thank you to Nicole and Bee for beta-ing this and making me not sound like an idiot (mostly) and for Scream (1996) for being what it is <3
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Myra/Audra
Kudos: 10





	Do You Like Scary Movies?

**Author's Note:**

> Morgan! I am so happy to make this for you and this was the absolute most fun I had writing a fic. I hope you have a happy Halloween and enjoy these two dumb murderers this holiday season <3
> 
> BIG thank you to Nicole and Bee for beta-ing this and making me not sound like an idiot (mostly) and for Scream (1996) for being what it is <3

Eddie is a normal high school boy. He likes girls, his friends, and getting totally smashed every weekend. He likes his girlfriend Myra Prescott but he _loves_ scary movies. He loves them more than anyone he knows, maybe more than anyone at all. All he does with his time, when he’s not partying or clowning on Principal Himbry, is watch and quote scary movies.

Oh, he also loves to murder. Any time, any place, Eddie Kaspbrak is down to murder someone. Of course, it needs to be done with a flourish, with the right pizazz and with feeling behind it. Murdering can’t be done if it’s a lame attempt at enacting vengeance or righting a wrong. It’s more fun when there’s a theme, when there’s a song and dance that goes along with it. That’s how Eddie likes to murder.

Not many people know of this side of him. Actually, only one person does. His partner in crime, Richie Tozier. He isn’t the brightest guy at school -- he was held back once, but Eddie is certain he’s secretly a genius. Tozier helps him with his math homework all the time and gets him A’s, while Richie gets D’s. Maybe Richie’s partied too much or maybe he just likes his high school friends too much. But Eddie’s glad to have him, and there’s no one Eddie would rather murder with than Richie. Well, he hasn’t murdered anyone with him yet, but when Eddie dreams of murders he could do, it’s always Richie by his side. One night, Eddie’s dreams became a reality.

Eddie and Richie were having a _Halloween_ marathon to ring in the Halloween season on the eve of October. Usually high school guys would watch scary movies with their girlfriends as an excuse to get closer, but that’s not Eddie’s style. Eddie watches these movies as research. He takes part in the world of horror movies as a form of deep fulfillment, not just entertainment. So Eddie doesn’t watch scary movies with Myra (she doesn’t even like them anyway). He watches them with Richie.

He may or may not like the way Richie cowers into his neck whenever a scary situation happens on screen, and he may or may not enjoy the intense (and _very strong_ ) grip Richie places on his arm whenever the killer advances on the victim. The reason Eddie likes him is because, at the end of the movie, Richie understands the adrenaline rush that comes into Eddie’s body from the sight of the multiple assassinations. Or maybe Richie just likes seeing Eddie elated.

This particular scary movie night was about to end and before Eddie could pop in the last and latest _Halloween_ ( _The Curse of Michael Myers_ ), Richie perks up from the bowl of popcorn he had buried himself in during the final scene of the last film.

“What do you think it’s like killing all those people? Like, do you think Michael has any remorse?”

“No, dude, like that’s why it’s so amazing. You see nothing in Michael’s eyes the entire franchise. That’s the symbolism of the mask. This guy has a regular face, one you couldn’t pick out from a crowd. And he’s the worst man you’ll ever know because he’s the one to kill you! He has that power that you don’t expect!”

“I guess you’re right…I just don’t know how that couldn’t affect you.”

“Don’t you see, too! The bad guy always wins! There are six _Halloween_ movies! Michael lives every time! God I wish I had his power.”

“You mean you want to murder people?”

“Not _just_ that. I want to be like Michael, that just the sight of me was so terrifying it struck fear into the hearts of anyone. Or maybe I can wear a mask like him...either way it will be my handiwork people fear.”

Eddie turned to see Richie looking confused a little aghast.

“Shit. I said too much.” Eddie turns to hit his head on the TV. He hasn’t murdered anyone yet, but he may as well have ruined any plans he had to do so. “I’m sorry, man. Just ignore me. It’s just...I’ve had this dream. This idea that we can be a killing duo and it just makes me so excited to be able to kill and...do it with my best friend.” There’s a pause and Eddie feels Richie studying him intently to try and decipher if he’s being sincere. “It’s a dumb idea don’t worry about it, dude.”

Richie puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles. “Listen, dude. That seems rad…but what mask are we gonna wear?”

“Richie, I could kiss you!” Richie blushes before punching Eddie in the arm and going back to his bowl of popcorn.

“Alright. Last movie of the night and then we’ll hunt for our costume.” Eddie presses play and _Halloween 6_ starts in the VHS player.

“Hell ya! I can’t wait to murder people with you!” Richie says, right before getting scared by the first trailer on the tape.

Eddie can’t wait to get started.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Picking a mask took a special eye, but luckily Eddie’s been doing some research. He went to every department store that had Halloween costumes and noticed the similarities of brands and characters. One that particularly caught his eye was Father Death. The face was like any regular ghost face, but with an elongated mouth and sad, peanut eyes. Eddie saw something in those eyes and knew this was the costume for him. He made sure there were multiple stores that sold it and planned to go and buy it one night when the teenager working the counter was almost definitely too drunk or stoned out of his mind to remember who exactly it was purchasing the costume that’s going around killing everyone.

What he _didn’t_ plan for was Richie tagging along that night. Eddie had been worried about Richie’s loud behavior being a problem when he was trying to practice discretion and was wary of letting Richie come into the shop with him when they pulled up.

“Alright, I’ll be out in just two minutes, can you keep the car running?”

Richie was taken aback. “What? No! This is a joint adventure, I want to take part in finding our disguise too!” He had pouty eyes that Eddie hated, but that also inexplicably made him crack every time they were used to get Richie something.

“Fine! You can come in, but if you let anything slip about what we’re doing I can’t promise you won’t be the killer’s first victim.”

Eddie and Richie got out of the car and entered the 24/7 Halloween store.

“So what are we looking for? Something spooky or just a mask?” Richie asks, looking at the fake blood section.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not a pussy. We’re going all out. I already have a costume in mind, we just can’t go straight to it because we don’t want to draw suspicion to ourselves.”

Richie hums in agreement and goes to look at the superhero costumes, giddy and dancing around in a cape and mask while annoying (but secretly endearing) Eddie.

After a healthy amount of time has passed, Eddie leads Richie to the generic entity section where Father Death resides. He picks up the costume with the delicacy and reverence he only gives his horror VHS collections.

“This is the one. Soon people are going to be fearing Father Death.”

Richie giggles, and Eddie turns to him like he just spoke blasphemy in his presence. “Daddy death,” he snorts out and hunches over in laughter. Eddie tries to repress it but Richie’s laughter is too contagious for him to pretend to be anything but pleased by his enjoyment. He punches Richie’s arm and makes his way to the cash register.

Richie comes up behind him with his own costume and some platform boots for Eddie. “I know you’re ‘not short,’” he says with air quotes, “but there’s no way we’re going to pass as the same person if you don’t grow at least four inches.”

Eddie, not one to get in the way of smart thinking, especially when it comes to murder, angrily grabs the boots from Richie and mutters a quiet “thanks” while looking away. He also grabs two voice changers from the front display to cover up his voice for the phone call plan he has for his victims.

This is the part that Eddie had been worried about bringing Richie into . They had to talk to another person. Granted, he was stoned out of his mind, but there couldn’t be any connection to Eddie or Richie or the whole plan is ruined.

“Cash or card?” the cashier asks unenthusiastically. His nametag says _Bryce_ and he has one ear out from his headphones loudly playing his music. Richie identifies it as Nirvana, his favorite band, and starts air guitar-ing to it behind Eddie.

Eddie was suddenly quite nervous. Maybe it was the rock music, or the the watchful eyes of someone other than Richie, the only one who relaxes him, but he blurts out, “Wait aren’t you going to ask why we have two of the same costumes?”

That was something Eddie definitely did not mean to say, and while fumbling over his words to try and cover it up Richie steps in. “Aw, he’s just excited because he’s never had a couple’s costume before, isn’t that right, pookie?” Richie wraps his large arm around Eddie’s shoulders and nuzzles his nose into his hair. Eddie doesn’t have time to react beyond what is natural, so his body softens at the touch and he laughs nervously, going along with the joke.

“Righteous dude, love who you love.” Bryce proceeds to check them out and gives them a wink as they exit the store. Richie didn’t make too much of an effort to move his arm from around Eddie.

“Thanks for saving us back there. I _definitely_ need to work on my lying.”

“No problem. Pookie.” Richie turns to wink at him before jumping into the passenger seat, and Eddie wonders how this has become his life. He’s not mad, though. Getting the supplies only made him more excited for what was coming next.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Jessica Lancaster and Dave Smith are the hottest couple at Santa Rosa High School. Dave is on the football team and Jessica is a star student. But Dave is a bully to everyone in the Star Trek fan club, and Jessica picks on any girl who doesn’t wear size zero. Eddie doesn’t just want to murder for murdering sake to begin with. He wants to rid the school of the fakes and the populars and everyone who makes life like hell. Then he was going to kill the rest, once they thought they were safe due to their good deeds. He’s nothing if not dramatic.

Richie’s coming over the Friday before the first murder to help set everything up in order to strike Saturday night. Eddie suggested a horror movie marathon, to put them both in the mood and get more fun ideas for the moment of truth. Before that though, Myra insisted on being walked home by her boyfriend. Eddie would meet Richie at his house after. He has a spare key anyway.

“Why are you being so cagey and anxious, Eddie?”

“I’m not I’m just…thinking.” Eddie didn’t hold her hand on the way home and she suspects something immediately.

“Physical touch is very important for a relationship. I don’t think we should keep dating if you can’t even look at me.”

Eddie is more nervous now, because most of Eddie’s alibi relied on Myra. He can not let her break up with him now, on the cusp of his grand plan.

He reaches out and grabs her hand, putting on a fake happy face. “Sorry, Myra. I just got distracted. I promise I’ll do anything to make our relationship stronger. Hey, you’re dad’s out of town tomorrow night, right? Why don’t I come over?”

“That sounds good. But don’t do it just out of compulsion, dude. I don’t want you if you don’t want me.”

Eddie squeezes her hand in reassurance as they reach her door. “I want you.” _As an alibi,_ is what he truly meant. He gave a kiss to their hands and bid a farewell to her as he walked back to his place.

He thinks on the way home on whether he really felt an obligation to do what Myra said, just for a chance at a tight alibi. He’s not entirely sure he’s ever had an attraction to Myra, outside of people saying they looked cute together. She’s not a bad person, kind of a badass, but sweet She is an all around well-meaning and nice woman but…Eddie doesn’t think he totally likes women. In fact he thinks he’s ultimately against women as romantic partners. He has on more than one occasion looked at the asses of men in public, feeling genuinely pleased by them more than he ever has looking into the face of a woman. Maybe he’s gay, or maybe he appreciates a nice ass once in a while. Eddie doesn’t have the time or the energy to figure that out for himself. He’s got people to murder.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

“Stop _fucking_ laughing at me, I’ve never worn these before!” Eddie and Richie have spent the better part of the hour putting on a fashion show for each other, modeling the Father Death gown and mask while also testing out the platform boots. It hasn’t been going well.

“Dude, I know you haven’t worn them before but like, I absolutely didn’t think a person could be this uncoordinated in fucking shoes man! They’re not even heels, they're just platforms!” He cackles some more, sprawled out on the floor still in his black gown, mask on his head.

“I fucking. I can’t murder people like this. Honestly, do you think anyone is going to notice the height difference? We’re going to fucking murder anyone that do—!” Eddie is cut off when he trips on a snag of fabric and falls face first into Richie’s chest.

After an _oof_ from both Richie and Eddie, they both burst out in hysterical laughter, caused partially by the three wine coolers they’ve each already had, but mostly because the whole platform debacle left them exhausted, incapable of feelings other than amusement.

“Fuck, maybe we should just give it up. You were still shorter than me even in those.”

Eddie sits up on his hands, face inches away from Richie’s, and pushes his shoulder. “Whatever, man. I’m totally gonna be a better murderer than you.”

Richie pushes back, returning to a position that is even closer to Eddie’s face, which makes Eddie’s brain stop working for a moment, disrupted by the feel of Richie’s breath on his nose, tainted with bad wine.

“Hmmm, I doubt it. I pay attention to detail, you’re too flighty.” Richie reaches up and puts a hand on the back of Eddie’s neck playing with the little curled pieces of hair that taper off there.

Eddie feels so many things all at once, but also can’t contain his Napoleonic complex. “Actually, dick, I am not flighty I just —“ he growls in frustration and cuts himself off to smack his lips against Richie’s.

It’s a rushed and feverish kiss, but passionate, with Richie clearly wanting it. He pulls Eddie’s head even closer to him. Eddie approves of this, hand on Richie’s chin to further affirm his decision.

They pull away after some time and look at each other for some time more. Eddie lets go of his chin and grabs Richie’s hand from the back of his neck to pull the both of them up.

“I’m fucking tired, man. Let’s go to bed.” Richie picks Eddie up when he finally stands, so he doesn’t have to walk anymore in his platforms. He swings him over his shoulder on the way to Eddie’s bedroom.

They usually sleep in the same bed with the pretense of sleeping on opposite sides at the beginning of the night, only to find themselves cuddling the next morning. Tonight there is no pretense, and Eddie happily lets Richie lay his head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his torso as he settles in.

Just as the two of them are falling asleep Eddie says, “Bro, we can’t tell anyone. At least not until the murders are done. Or we kill Myra. She has to be my alibi.”

Richie kisses Eddie’s middle sleepily and mumbles, “Okay, bro,” while chuckling softly. Eddie falls asleep to the warm feel of Richie breathing on his chest.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Tonight is the night. No more dreams of murders that could’ve been or perfect ideas left as missed opportunities. Tonight is the start of something beautiful. Eddie is happy Richie is at his side for it.

“Okay, you go get Dave, I’m going to Jessica’s to wait until her parents leave. Remember. Mask on the entire time.”

“Of course, Eds. I don’t want our buddy Dave thinking anyone but Father Death is gutting him.” He winks, and shoots a kissy face at Eddie.

“Fucking hate when you call me that,” Eddie says with a smile. “Also, I don’t think we can avoid it with Dave, but definitely don’t show Jessica that we’re two people. I want them to think Father Death can creep up on anyone at any time, no matter where they are.”

“I love it when you get all plan-y.” Richie leans toward him, tongue out and panting like a dog.

“Just stick to it, idiot.” Eddie responds by pushing his face away, smiling like he’s the idiot himself while doing it. He’s not exactly sure if the kiss last night made murdering harder or easier. They definitely made things much more fun.

The clock on the wall has just turned seven, and Eddie puts on his game face. “Alright, bud, you ready for this?”

“More than anything,” Richie says as he grabs Eddie’s face and gives him a quick, deep kiss before trotting off to his car, leaving Eddie a blushing mess.

“Break a leg!” Eddie yells as he goes to drive to Jessica’s, smile still on his face.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

“Do you like scary movies?” Eddie is new to cellular phones, but he had gotten the hang of it while practicing using his new voice changer with Richie. Now he feels like a pro, standing outside of Jessica Lancaster’s house, watching as she was talking on the phone with a “stranger” who “dialed the wrong number.”

“Uh-huh,” she replies, picking up the collection of movies she rented for the night. She seems to not understand that the man on the phone was about to gut her and her boyfriend, and it made Eddie all the more giddy.

“What’s your favorite scary movie?” Eddie can hear Richie pull up behind his car, parked far off on the side of the house where no one would think to look for tire tracks. He shuts his door quietly and brings out Dave Smith, hands tied together and mouth taped shut.

“I don’t know…” Jessica answers. She thinks he’s flirting with her. Eddie is endeared by her naïveté .

As he finds out that her favorite scary movie is _Halloween_ ( _Big surprise,_ he thinks _what a basic answer._ ), Richie is setting up her boyfriend in front of the pool in her backyard. Eddie can’t help but be starstruck by the way he is so strong and buff, lifting Dave over his shoulders and roughing him up enough to keep him quiet behind the duct tape. Eddie can’t think of anything he’d rather be doing.

There is more banter back and forth between Jessica and Eddie, followed by threats from Eddie to make her insides see the outside, and then they’re ready to rock and roll.

“My boyfriend will be here any second and he’ll be pissed when I tell him. He’s big and plays football and will beat the shit out of you!”

“His name wouldn’t be Dave, would it?” Eddie is teasing her and building up for the big reveal.

“How do you know his name?!” She’s on the floor crying.

“Go to the back door and turn on the porch light.” She shakily turns it on and sees her boyfriend out there, ruined thanks to Richie’s handiwork.

“I’ll let him go if you play a game…I’ll even give you a warm up question.” Richie joins Eddie from behind and puts his face in his neck, enjoying this just as much as Eddie is, which elates Eddie more than anything else has.

Richie takes the phone from his hands and uses his own voice changer to ask, “Name the killer in _Halloween_.” Eddie is giggling, pressing up against the phone next to Richie’s ear to hear what Jessica will say next.

She gets it right, of course. Eddie and Richie had chosen an easy question for the warm up for a reason.

Eddie takes back the phone and says, “Now for the real question. Name the killer in _Friday the 13th_.”

Jessica screams, “Jason! Jason! JASON!” into the phone, confident in her answer.

“I’m sorry, that’s the wrong answer.”

“It was Jason. I saw that godamned movie twenty times. It was Jason.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t been picking on the eating habits of the girls in front of you instead of watching you would’ve known that Jason’s _mother_ \- Mrs. Vorhees was the original killer. Jason didn’t show up until the sequel. Lucky, for you there’s a bonus round. But poor Dave…I’m afraid…he’s out.” Jessica frantically turns to the back porch again to see Dave with his guts on the ground and steam rising up from the pool.

Jessica screams and it’s the most beautiful sound Eddie has ever heard. He kisses Richie with a feeling of pure adrenaline.

“Final question. Are you ready? What door am I at?” Eddie runs to the back door as Richie goes to the front.

Jessica doesn’t answer correctly and doesn’t live. Richie and Eddie chase her down from both sides but it’s Eddie who gets the final kill on her porch as her mom and dad are coming home. Richie is the stronger one (and more attractive to look at from Eddie’s point of view), so he puts her on display for the parents once they have come out and realized that something was wrong. By the time they do, Richie and Eddie are driving down the interstate, windows down and masks off, cheering for a successful first kill.

What Richie doesn’t realize is that his mask was left at the house in all of the commotion. Now Jessica’s parents have a suspect, however vague,, in the murder of their daughter and her boyfriend.

Eddie’s thinking about Richie. Big, strong Richie who did such a good job murdering those people that Eddie asked him to. He absolutely is his soulmate. Unfortunately, Eddie now has to go to Myra’s house in order to gain an alibi for the night, and he can’t spend his first night post-murder with his partner in crime. But Richie will be waiting for Eddie when he gets home. He always is.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Eddie reaches Myra’s and climbs up the side of the house to reach her window. She’s looking out to see what the noise is, and as she does he grabs her hand. She screams until he comes into view and says, “Hey, it’s just me.”

“Jesus, Eddie, what are you doing here?”

“It just occurred to me that I’ve never snuck through your bedroom window.”

“You didn’t even need to. My dad’s gone, remember?”

“Just had to get it out of my system. And I was home, bored, watching _The Exorcist_ on TV. It got me thinking of you.”

“Gee thanks, just what a girl likes to hear.”

Eddie feigns romance and grabs her hands, looking into her eyes. “It made me think how I always want to watch my scary movies and I never listen to what you want to watch. So I thought I’d come over and watch some of your favorite movies with you.”

“Eddie, that’s sweet, but I have Audra coming over in ten. We’re going to have a girls night. I thought you would bail on me so I planned that instead.”

“That’s okay. I’ve built up a record of doing this to myself. I’ll just go over to Richie’s then. But movie night soon?”

“Yes of course.” She gives him a peck on the cheek and opens the window for him again.

“I thought I could go out the front door, since your dad isn’t home.”

“I don’t want Audra thinking I kicked you out, plus you’re pretty buff. You can handle the climb down.”

“Okay, babe, whatever you say.”

Eddie climbs down and hears Myra answer the phone from on the ground.

“…Yeah it’ll just be me and you, babe…..Don’t worry, Eddie’s with his boyfriend. We don’t have to worry about him tonight.”

Eddie wonders what that means for a few seconds, before bringing his mind to Richie and the _Friday the 13th_ marathon they’re going to have tonight. Then he forgets what he was thinking about altogether.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

The next day, the high school is invaded with police surrounding the murder of Jessica and Dave. Eddie, Richie, Myra, Audra, and Stan were sitting outside after being interrogated to discuss what happened with each other.

“It’s weird that they asked you if you hunted but they didn’t ask me or Myra,” Audra says after they recounted their examinations.

“You guys couldn’t have done that,” Stan replies, reading his copy of _Birds Monthly_ and looking at the trees.

“That is so sexist! The killer could easily be a female - _Basic Instinct_!”

“That was an ice pick - not exactly the same. And I’m not saying a woman couldn’t do it I am just saying they were completely hollowed out. How could a sane man _or_ woman do that?”

Myra grows quiet for a second and asks, “How does a person gut someone?” Almost as if she was talking to herself.

“You take a knife and slit from the groin to the sternum…” Eddie hits Richie for answering so realistically and quickly. “What? She asked.”

“It’s called tact, Trashmouth.”

Richie put on a pouty face and apologizes before nuzzling into Eddie’s side. Eddie knew Myra doesn’t mind because Richie and Eddie have always been touchy. She’s basically sitting on Audra’s lap, so she’s preoccupied at the moment.

“Did they find her liver in the mailbox? I heard they found her liver in the mailbox.” Stan asks after a couple minutes of silence.

“Stan, what the fuck, I’m eating here!”

Richie chimes in. “Yeah, Stan, she’s getting mad. I think you better _liver_ alone.” Everyone groans and gets up from the table to go back to class.

“Come on idiot,” Eddie says, reaching out for Richie’s hand as they walk to chemistry together.

Before they get to their classroom, they come upon a group of students talking about new evidence that’s emerged.

“I heard he was wearing that dumb mask you see at all the Halloween stores.”

“Yeah there were parts of his little gown there too! What a guy, killing in a full Halloween mask and gown. Sounds like a real show.”

Eddie high fives Richie, happy to know his show of a murder is making the rounds and being perceived as he wants. He’s not even mad at the mask being left at the scene if it means he was able to strike fear into people while using it.

“Dude is so fucking dumb. Walking around with the ghost face. Oh my god…that’s what we should call him! Ghostface!”

This did not please Eddie at all. In fact his cheery demeanor was clouded by anger that the one thing he wanted to be known for, being the Father of Death, was ruined by some dumb teenager.

Richie noticed this and snuck them into the janitor’s closet down the hall. He pulled the string down above them and bathed them both in light as he took Eddie’s face into his hands.

“Hey, Eddie, I know you’re upset your debut isn’t as Father Death, but listen babe, we really gutted those motherfuckers. And _everyone’s_ talking about it. It’s all thanks to you! And your genius plan. And the world will know us. No matter what name we go by.” He bent down and placed a tender kiss on Eddie’s forehead and wrapped him up in a hug.

Eddie could barely breathe covered by Richie like this, but he felt too good to care. Richie was right. The murders were their legacy, not the costume name they hadn’t even come up with. He broke from the hug and looked up at his partner in crime and stuck his hand in Richie’s hair. “You really know what to say to make this murderer feel good.”

“Takes one to know one,” Richie says with a wink and a kiss. The kisses turned into a makeout session that lasted all of 5th period. Eddie wasn’t too hurt. Richie is just going to have to give him extra help with his chemistry homework.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Days go by and more people are getting death threats from Ghostface, though they don’t actually kill anyone else until Thursday. Due to mass panic, Principal Himbry closes the school until further notice. This, Eddie and Richie decide, is the perfect opportunity for Ghostface to gain another victim. Not because their Principal has done anything bad, but because they’re teenagers and they hate their principal. This is exactly what Eddie says to Richie when he asks why they’re doing this.

“Dude, I’m like…barely a teenager. I’m one year away from being twenty. Can I even do this with a clear conscience? You’re eighteen! Can _you_ do this with a clear conscience?”

Eddie kisses him fervently then pulls back to look at him, “I got no conscience, baby.”

Richie doesn’t know what to say after that, so he puts on his mask and gets into position.

They kill Himbry easily with the whole “behind the door” trick, and three easy stabs. Eddie is happy after, but also a little annoyed that he got some of the principal’s blood on his Ghostface costume. At least it’s black and no one will notice.

After they change and catch up to Myra and Audra, who are walking home holding hands, Richie brings up an excellent idea. “Party at my place tomorrow night?”

“Richie, we’re literally being sent home because teenagers' lives are in danger.” Audra turns abruptly to look at him crossing her arms.

“Free booze?” he posits.

“Fuck, okay, I’m in. You coming Myra?”

“I don’t know….I thought we were going to have a sleepover. I love our sleepovers.” Myra looks at Audra with a pouty face Eddie’s seen multiple times from Richie when he’s trying to make Eddie feel better. Interesting.

“We can sleep over after! I want to get free booze first,” Audra retorts with an even more pouty face. Eddie is so confused.

Eventually they both say yes and start inviting everyone as they’re coming out of the school with their books in tow. Eddie doesn’t know what Richie plans for the night, but he can’t wait to find out. He hopes it involves a lot of blood.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

While the plan does involve a lot of red liquid, the substance in question is not blood. “Corn syrup. Same stuff they used for pig’s blood in _Carrie_.”

“I know that dipshit, but why are we using _fake_ blood. I like the real stuff.” Eddie is confused with the way Richie had explained the plan and wants to understand completely before he went all in. It’s not that Richie didn’t know how to plan things, he just wasn’t as knowledgeable of scary movies as Eddie was.

“Okay, listen, you’re going to convince Myra that she has nothing to fear. That you saw Ghostface as he was killing his last victim, only the victim got the better of him,and killed Ghostface instead! And then _right_ at that moment I’m going to swoop in and fake murder you! It’s going to look so real and Myra’s going to scream her head off! And then we can reveal to her who we are later right before we murder her!” Richie is so ecstatic he came up with this plan he is beaming. He looks like a happy puppy who just fetched the newspaper for his owner.

“How did you get this idea, Rich?”

“I’ve been paying attention to the movies, Eds. Just because I nuzzle my head in your chest doesn’t mean I don’t understand the basic plot points and reasons why the bad guy terrifies the victim. I like liking what you like.”

Their planning comes to a bit of a halt when Eddie tackles Richie with kisses in his overwhelming fondness for him. He’s so proud of his best friend. And he thinks he might be in love with him too.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

The night of the party comes upon them and they set everything in place. People are over until about 10 PM when the curfew sneaks up on them. Everyone leaves besides Audra, Myra, Stan, Eddie, and Richie. Eddie leads Myra upstairs while the rest are downstairs watching _A Nightmare on Elm Street_.

“I’m going to go sleep in my car while I wait for Myra, I’m tired of seeing you guys objectify women.” Audra doesn’t seem like she wants to be there in the first place, so it’s no surprise that once most everyone is gone she wants to leave as well.

“Audra, I am literally homosexual.” Richie doesn’t make a big deal of it, but he’s about seven beers into the night and he’s about to pull the best prank of his life, so he figures, _Fuck it, might as well go out with a bang._

“And your excuse?” she lazily points to Stan, who is upside-down on the couch analytically watching as though he’s looking for missing details.

“First of all, I’m happily dating Patty, second of all, I think it’s so funny these horror movie tropes are all the same. One: the virgin never dies, two: the person who says they’ll be right back will always go away to their death--” Stan is on a diatribe and it doesn’t look like he’ll be stopping any time soon, so Richie interrupts him.

“Hey, do you want another beer?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back!” Richie makes a show and sticks out his tongue, mocking Stan’s delusions while he goes into the kitchen to sneak upstairs and scare Myra out of her mind.

“Dick! Anyway, you shouldn’t sleep in your car. There’s a murderer out there just waiting to catch someone alone so they can get gut them like Jessica and Dave. I’ll put on something that honors women’s bodies just like you and I do. Will that make you happy?”

“Good Stan,” Audra says while patting Stan’s head. He gets up and puts on his copy of _The Color Purple_ he brings everywhere with him as Audra claps in delight.

“You’re a lesbian’s dream, Stan,” Audra gives him a kiss on the cheek and slumps back down on the couch.

“Yeah, yeah that’s what they all say.”

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Eddie takes Myra up to Richie’s parents room. It seems like the best place to fake foreplay that ends in getting murdered, but Eddie hasn’t thought about it a lot.

“So, let’s just get to it shall we?” Eddie starts to remove his white t-shirt before Myra sticks out her hand.

“Respectfully, Eddie, no. I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“This?” Eddie has both hands on his hips clearly confused about the cues Myra is trying to give him, and truly has been giving him for a while now.

“I like women. Like exclusively. I’ve pretty much been with Audra for years now. And she’s been a much better partner than you ever have been.” Eddie slumps down next to her, confused and a little taken aback. “It’s not your fault, though, Eddie really! I’m pretty sure you’re gay! Or at least in love with Richie. Good for you man. I’m not mad.”

“Psht…we’re not in _love_.” He obviously lies knowing that he’s been in love with Richie for longer than he can remember. But now that it’s out in the open he stresses. What does this mean for their murder business? He can’t have real feelings corrupting this.

“Oh, come on, Eddie, I’ve never seen a look of more emotion come out of anyone. Honestly, not even Audra. You guys are head over heels for each other. You have this weird, special bond.”

“Hm. We do don’t we? You know what? I _do_ love him. I love Richie Tozier. I love him!” Eddie jumps up and checks behind the bedroom door to where Richie was hiding out ready to fake murder Eddie. “Dude! I love you!”

Richie takes the mask off and drops the knife at their feet to pick Eddie up. “Dude! I love you too!” Their passionate kiss is interrupted by an even more passionate, “What the fuck?!” from behind them as Myra figures out who they are.

“Oh, Myra look we can explain.”

“No! You’re crazy — both of you!”

Richie chimes in with, “The official term is ‘psychotic.’”

“Why the fuck did you kill people? Were you going to kill me?!”

“Myra, baby, not yet. There was a whole thing I was going to get fake stabbed, it was going to be amazing but it was ruined because I’m in love with this big dummy!” Eddie turns and plants a kiss on Richie’s face and they both beam at each other.

“Plus, it’s 1995. Motives are incidental.”

Eddie is taken aback with such good vocabulary from his now partner in crime and life. “Where’d you learn that, pookie?”

“Stan told me the other day. I thought it was smart so I saved it for later.”

“Oh my gosh, you have such good dramatic timing, I love you.” They started playing with each other’s noses and calling each other by their pet names while Myra got up to get the phone.

“You guys might have murdered people but that doesn’t give you the right to be so fucking disgusting.”

“Au contraire, my dear Myra, we’re in _love_. That gives us the right to be disgusting. And don’t even try to call the police, the lines are all cut.” Eddie grabs the phone out of Myra’s hands and smashes it with his foot.

“You sick fucks — you’ve seen one too many movies.” Myra starts for the other entrance to the bedroom to run downstairs.

“Oh Myra, don’t blame the movies,” Eddie yells after her, running with Richie and knife in hand. “Movies don’t create psychos. Movies just make psychos more creative.”

Richie and Eddie laugh as they barrel down the stairs scaring Audra and Stan sitting peacefully on the couch.

“I fucking knew you were the killers, damn.” Stan puts his head in his hands obviously more upset about his lack of trust in himself than a potential death he could face.

“What’s going on, I’m watching the lesbians!” Audra is a little too boozed up to accurately assess the situation, so Myra comes up to grab her by the hand and lead her out the door.

Eddie and Richie get there first, cutting off their escape.

“Look, let’s make a deal. You don’t tell anyone it was us, and we don’t murder you tonight, okay?” Eddie asks holding his and Richie’s hands out to shake and make the deal with Audra and Myra.

“Fuck you two! I’m calling the police!” Myra shoves them out of the way, but Eddie grabs her and holds a knife to her throat.

“Why are you doing this!” Myra yells as loud as she can while choking on Eddie’s grip. Richie manages to get Audra in the same grip after knocking Stan out who got up to help the women.

“It’s all part of the game!” Richie maniacally laughs giving Eddie butterflies in his stomach.

“It’s called _Guess How I’m Going to Die!_ ”

“Fuck you!” Myra rips herself from Eddie’s grip and runs to the back of the house. There’s a door slam and Richie and Eddie start to come after her.

“We know you won’t leave without your precious Audra, Myra. You have to play the game.”

Eddie walks about the left of the kitchen while Richie goes to the right, Audra still in his grasp.

“It’s an easy game. We ask you a question. If you get it wrong -- you die.”

“And if you get it right -- you die!” Richie opens up the linen closet to reveal Myra.

“Why do you want to kill us?” Eddie swoops in to grab her by the neck again.

“Why? _Why?!_ Did you hear that, Rich? I think she wants a reason for all of this. Did they really ever explain a reason why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Did Norman Bates have a reason?”

“Nope.” Richie holds the knife closer to Audra’s throat who has started to cry.

“It’s scarier with no reasoning, Myra. Just pretend this is a scary movie and it will all be over soon.”

“A _romantic_ scary movie,” Richie adds, winking toward Eddie.

Myra takes this moment to elbow Eddie in the gut and get out from under his grasp. He tries to regain control before she gets away but she grabs Audra from a concerned Richie and bolts toward the front door.

“I hope you guys have a romantic time in prison!” Before Eddie and Richie can regain composure and follow their victims, they escape.

“What the fuck? We could have gotten away with it!” Eddie is defeated, collapsing on the stairs. “Maybe we still can?” He looks up at Richie trying to find a glimmer of hope in his eyes. They’re soft and hopeful, as Richie’s eyes always are.

“Sweetheart, they’re going to call the police. They have a conscience.” Richie reaches toward Eddie’s hand to help him up and wraps him in a soothing hug. “I kind of knew this night would go wrong before it started, though, and decided to buy two tickets to Paris. I have some family in Germany. Why don’t we just fucking backpack across Europe and create new identities and live out our days? Maybe murder a couple of dicks along the way?”

“Oh, Richie. You’re a genius. I love you so much right now.” Eddie grabs Richie’s face in his hands and expresses his love with a kiss. He sets his forehead against Richie’s. “What should our new names be?”

Stan turns over from where he was knocked out and says “I’m thinking Billy and Stu.”

“Oh…Stan…sorry we….can you uh…” Eddie doesn’t quite know how to ask him to cover for their ditching town.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don’t write to me. I don’t want to be found complicit.”

“You’re a doll, Stan. Alright, Eddie my love. Off to Paris!”

Richie and Eddie get into their car and ride off into the night ready to start their new lives as murderers in the City of Love.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me for any part of this I'm over at @urhouseishaunted on tumblr and @staniel_uris on twitter. Hope you enjoy!


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